At the Wizard's Cafe, two sorcerors complained to one another:


"The food here is terrible."


"And such small potions!"

Recent tweets @lanesperkus

Biz idea: create new line of "tea shirts." Bestseller will read "Ooo Long!"


I beat off til my fingers bled. Was the summer of '89.


Eighty percent of the time the person citing the "80/20 rule" is a passive-aggressive workaholic.

My how the tables have turned

In high school I followed pretty girls around, but they ignored my existence. Now, in the age of twitter, new pretty girls who don't exist are following me every day!

Get in the fast Lane!

We're so ahead of the comedy curve on this blog! On Halloween I recommended an internet cooking show, and now MTV has declared  it one of "5 Web Comedies to Watch in 2012."

Do you need a quality pomeranian?

Please visit my friends here, but remember that dogs don't have souls.

Yo Eleven!!

Mon Deuce!  11/11/11 must be my lucky day! A major local blog linked to my site, and reviewed my debut performance as "thought provoking." That's incredible, because when a comedian combines huge laughs with huge thoughts... anything is possible!


Best yet, this highly public praise for Lane Sperkus comes while The New Movement (which is not a laxative)  hosts the inaugural Hell Yes Comedy Fest. Then, to top it off, @Champsuperstar retwatted one of my witticisms to her thousands of followers this afternoon.


Friends: as the date aligns, so do the stars of my destiny.


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Web Traffic Stunami!

You just know that...

...somewhere out there there's a Penn St. fan whose dog, "JoePaws," likes to hump people's legs. No one cared till today, and now everyone involved feels gross.